After All Read online

  Soft blue walls, a bed so stacked with pillows and white, fluffy down that I couldn’t imagine the torture it would be to leave it in the morning. “This is amazing.”

  “All mine.” He cleared his throat. “All new when we moved.”

  A small flat screen was on the wall and there was actual dark stained bedroom furniture…that matched. Instead of continuing whatever non-conversation we were having, I stepped into him and kissed him again.

  “Ashley…” he sighed.

  “If you want me to go, I’ll go, but I’m tired of you being too careful with me.” I knew I didn’t have everything in my life sorted out. I also knew that we were maybe moving too fast. But when we were together… It was like all the pieces of me fit. Like I was who I was and that woman was someone worth knowing to him. It made everything that happened between us part of that feeling and I wanted more.

  “Of course I don’t want you to go.”

  "Then that's solved."

  He pulled his door further open. “House rules.”

  There was something unspeakably sweet about his need to do things the right way. He stood frozen for a second before pulling me into his arms.

  The moment I was there, I hated myself a little for not doing this sooner. For being so blind to the idea that there were tough decisions, that so many things in life were very little black and white and much more in millions of shades of grey. I'd missed out on weeks of being with him, spending time together.

  Brandt took my hand and slid onto his bed, leaning against the headboard, and patting the set of pillows next to him. I climbed up, the down comforter fluffing out around me.

  “I might stay here tonight,” I warned.

  “I’ll keep the bedroom door opened,” he warned back.

  For what felt like the first time in forever, I let out a long slow breath and relaxed next to Brandt.

  “I want your life story,” I said. “First kisses. Brothers. Sisters. Parents. Life moments. Everything.”

  He took my hand in his two and ran his fingers up and down mine. “I want that, too.”

  And we shared. Everything. Fears. Hopes. First kisses. First heart-breaks. First loves.

  The hours ticked by. Ree came home. Trevor came home. I hugged them each good night and we kept talking. His low voice. His life. His experiences. And I could feel the sincerity of his words in his voice, and feel the sincerity of how he felt in the way his fingers ran over my hand or my arm…

  “I think I’m having a big life moment right now,” I said through a yawn.

  Brandt’s lips found my forehead and my eyebrow. Then my cheek and the corner of my mouth. “Me, too.”

  The space that I normally would have filled with stripping clothes off the other person, was filled with layers of histories and feelings peeled away. I lay next to Brandt more exposed in more ways than I’d ever been in my life.

  And I loved every second of it.

  TWENTY-SIX

  Brandt

  It was morning, and Ashley was still with me. I hadn’t been able to keep my hands off her all night. My fingers drew lines and words and phrases across her back as she slept.

  I didn’t want to close my eyes. Didn’t want to start another day where I had to leave for work instead of lying with her. But once I thought about work, the day started to stack up in my brain and I slid my lips across her forehead before dragging myself from the bed.

  The shower I’d taken hundreds of showers in felt empty as I rinsed off. When I finished, I ran my hand over my face as I stood in front of the mirror, trying to decide if I was going to take the time to shave today or not.

  “What are you doing in here all alone?” Ashley teased as her hands slid around my waist from behind.

  “Didn’t want to wake you.” I rested a hand over hers.

  “Well, you did.” Her lips touched my back and then again and again and each time the desire to pick her up and carry her back to bed grew.

  “I’d say I was sorry, but—”

  “You have smooth skin.” Her lips touched my back again.

  “I bet you have smooth skin, too.”

  “Might have to test that one out…” she trailed off with a suggestive smile.

  “I’m sure I will.” I planted a small kiss below her ear. “But this guy has kids to wake up, and a job to get to…

  “Amazing how your whole perspective can change, but life just continues like your heart is still the same as it was the day before.”

  Every word stacked up inside me, filling me in a way I never expected to feel. “Exactly that.”

  She tugged on my towel, but didn’t pull it off. “And you have to head to work.”

  “Sad but true.”

  She stood on her tip toes and touched her nose to my cheek. “Later then.”

  “Definitely later.” I stood in the doorway of my bathroom watching Ashley leave my room. I hoped that it would be one of many, many days that would happen.

  * * *

  By mid-afternoon, I realized there was no way I was getting home on time. Trevor was already eating our stock of rice noodles for dinner and Ree was still at Jen’s for another night of sleepover. I wanted more time with Ashley, but I also couldn’t ignore work. I slumped behind my desk and wished the files to disappear.

  “You got stuck late, too, huh?” Gabby stopped in my doorway in a snug black dress and newly applied makeup.

  Oh, no. Please let that not be for me.

  “You headed off?” I asked, only my voice sounded off…weird.

  “Yeah.” She pulled in a breath. “I wanted to apologize for the other day. Weeks ago, I guess.”

  “For?”

  “Making assumptions about you and someone younger.” She gave me an apologetic frown. “It wasn’t my place, and I don’t know her or the situation, or…”

  I waved between us. “No apology needed.”

  “And it’s going well?” she asked.

  All I could think about was last night… This morning…

  “Never mind.” Gabby smirked. “It’s going well. The look on your face says it all.”

  “And you’re good?” I asked, realizing how long it had been since Gabby and I talked, and that before she wanted more from me, we were pretty good friends.

  “Yeah.” She had a funny, confused smile on her face. “My sister set me up, and we’re doubling tonight.”

  “Well, you look fantastic, I’m sure you’ll bowl the guy over.”

  She wagged her brows. “Thanks. And I bet money he shaved this morning.”

  I chuckled as Gabby walked away and then took a deep breath. Another loose end tied up. Better.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  Ashley

  Amy and I rested together on the couch overlooking the back yard as the light dimmed.

  “You’re for real going back to undergrad?” she asked.

  “I for-real am. I only have two semesters before I’m in master’s classes.”

  “I love this idea for you, but I still think you’re crazy.” She chuckled.

  “Maybe I am, but it feels good right now, and I’m really trying to let the big stuff go so I can follow something quieter.” And I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time.

  “So you and the neighbor are back together.” She smile was wide.

  I let out a long slow sigh as I thought about our night. ”We are.”

  “So?” She nudged me with an elbow, digging for details. “Is that all you’re going to say after not coming home last night?”

  “We sat up talking for most of the night. I think I dozed off this morning for a while, but yeah… He’s not in a rush for anything, or everything, or whatever. And that’s really… Actually, it’s awesome. No pressure.”

  “Hmmm…” Amy sighed just as my phone rang and I nearly jumped off the couch.

  I laughed as I pulled it from my pocket. “Maybe that’s him now.”

  But it wasn’t him. It was Ree.

  “Ree?” She was supposed to be cr
ashing with Jen again.

  There was some hiccupping on the other end before words began to come. “Can you…come…get me?” She sniffed a few times, and I started for the back door to get through the house, my heart thrumming in panic.

  “Are you okay? Where are you?” I bolted back through the house, Amy on my heels.

  “Alex… I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t, and he… and he…” Another keening sob came through instead of words. That little creep.

  My chest caved as I thought the worst. “Did he hurt you?”

  “He was mad. I’m okay. He didn’t hurt me, but we’re over, and I…” She broke down again. “I just want to be home.”

  “I’m coming now.” I jerked open my car door, my bag over my shoulder.

  “You’re practically their mom already.” Amy gave me a smile as I jumped in.

  “Later!” I waved as I hit the gas and waited for Ree to breathe deep enough to give me directions.

  Marie’s face was swollen and red when she climbed into my car, and the second I reached for her, her arms were around me.

  “I have to know if he pushed you. Did he hurt you, Ree?” I whispered.

  She shook her head. “He stopped when I told him to, but he was so mad, Ash. He scared me. Put a hole through the door, and then he ran out yelling about how stupid I was being, and I freaked out. I didn’t know who else to call, I hope—”

  “You called the right person.” I ran my hand up and down her back a few more times before she pulled away.

  “Thank you, Ash. You have no idea.”

  I slid my locket off my neck. “This is just a loan, okay?” I said as I slid the chain over hers.

  She fingered the large locket as she stared.

  “This is from the guy I call Dad. He gave it to me, said it was his mom’s and that she’d rub it when she was sad about something. It helped her let the sadness go.”

  “Thanks.” Her words were still broken, and I ached for her.

  It didn’t matter that there was no way her and Alex were going to be a forever thing. But at that age, a breakup was still hard. And made worse, I was sure, because she’d been warned. No sixteen year old wants to be proven wrong.

  “I promise it sucks now but it’ll get better.”

  “Like you and Dad, huh?” She peeked through her hair at me.

  I tried to hold in my smile, but it broke free and felt amazing. “Once you find someone who wants to be good to you, the way your father wants to be good to me. Then yes, it definitely gets better.”

  “I’m glad we’re friends.” Her fingers still ran over the locket.

  “Me, too, Ree.” I pulled her into another hug hoping Brandt would be home by the time we got back because I might be who she needed now, but I wasn’t her parent.

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  Brandt

  “Where did Ashley go?” Trevor looked over his iPad.

  “To pick up Ree.” I shrugged. “Amy said that Ree called and asked for a ride.”

  “Party.” Trevor nodded. “Alex set it up.”

  “Party?” I sat up, slapping my feet on the floor. “She’s at Jen’s.”

  Trevor snorted and my gut sank. After curfew, now this?

  “So I owe Ashley a huge thank you.”

  A knock at the door nearly shot my heart through the roof, and I set down my magazine to answer.

  “I got it.” Trevor jumped up, pulled open the door and froze. “Mom?”

  Ice ran through me. Couldn’t be. Could not.

  I jumped up, standing between her and Trevor.

  She looked older, but not much. Same pale green eyes and wide smile. Even after her time in jail and whatever over priced facility her parents paid for, she had this innocent, childlike look about her. How many years had it been and she just dropped in?

  “What are you doing here, Jess?”

  “I haven’t seen you all in so long…” She swallowed once and stepped into my arms.

  I had no idea what to do with her, but found myself hugging her back because for twelve years she’d been here. My body knew her. My hands. My arms.

  I stepped back, dropping my arms. Shock. My brain fuzzed as I stared. I didn't know whether to he stunned or furious. And then memories of unanswered letters began to surface, and the trial and crying children and furious was going to win if I didn't get my brain under control.

  “Got a hug for your mom?” She shrugged and smiled like Trevor was still a little boy.

  Trevor’s eyes were wide like he’d finally internalized that she was here but now wasn’t sure what to do.

  “Trevor, you don’t have to do anything,” I said, still standing in the open doorway. “She doesn’t need to be here like this.”

  “Brandt.” Her eyes widened. “What happened? Do you really think so little of me?”

  “I don’t know what to think of you.” And that was the truth in so many millions of ways. I breathed in and memories swirled through my brain. She smelled the same.

  Ashley’s car pulled back in front of the house and my gut sank. Of all the horrible situations to be in, this would have to be near the top. I ran down the steps to warn them both, but it was too late. Ree’s jaw was set and her arms were crossed. No way she was getting out of the car, which gave me an idea.

  Ashley rolled down the window looking hurt and confused and she had that uncertain look about her again that I hated seeing. “So.”

  “She showed up like two minutes ago." I glanced over my shoulder and then back to Ashley, leaning against her door. "I don’t—”

  “I’m not going in. I’m not talking to her.” Ree ground her teeth and stared at the road ahead.

  I sighed and glanced back toward the porch where Trevor had fully stepped outside and was smiling with Jess.

  “Why didn’t you call the cops? Why is she here?” Ashley asked.

  “Just showed up. Honestly, two minutes ago. Trevor wanted to see her, and I—”

  “You knew what Marie would say.” Ashley’s uncertain face was back. She was in protective mode now—probably for both her and Marie.

  “Ash.” She was probably thinking a million horrible things at that moment and I could feel the weight of the pressure of what I needed to do. And I knew Ashley well enough to not push her out of this situation. She'd be worried about the kids. "Please. Trust me. Take Trevor and Marie, and I’ll meet up with you later.”

  Her brows came down and she swallowed a few more times. I glanced over my shoulder at Trevor, tension mounting for every second I was away from the conversation he was having with Jess.

  “Why don’t you call…?”

  I could guess what she wanted to know. “After the cops were at our last house, it’s all everyone talked about. I can’t do that to them again. I can’t.”

  She scowled. “But it was ok to call them to mine?”

  “There was an eight hundred pound man who had you pinned against your house. I think that’s different.”

  Ashley leaned toward me, but there was no mistaking the frustration on her face. “And you think this feels better than that to your daughter?”

  In that moment, I knew a few things needed to be taken care of. “The cops can do nothing unless she refuses to leave. That’ll create another mess and another battle. Just… I’m going to send Trevor down to you.”

  “Oh-kay…” And then she stepped out of the car, closing the door behind her.

  I stepped back at the look on her face.

  “Do you know where I was?”

  “Getting Ree.” The other mess happening tonight.

  “Because her boyfriend tried to push her too far,” Ashley hissed. “They just split up. Marie was already low, and this, just…”

  I covered my eyes with my hand for a moment. “So, she has colossally bad timing.”

  “Your daughter needs you.”

  “I need you to trust me, Ashley.” Even though I had no idea what I was doing. I rested a hand on either shoulder, desperate for this situation t
o go away. "Please. Ree loves you. Just sit with her. I’ll owe you.”

  Ashley took a breath in and softened. “You don’t owe me anything. I adore Ree. We’ll be fine.”

  “Trevor?” I asked. “Please… Just… Trust me.”

  “Of course I’ll take Trevor.” And there was no way either of us missed the fact that she never said she trusted me. Please don’t let me make a mess of this.

  I slowly kissed Ashley's cheek. “We’re okay. You and me. I can’t deal with her when they’re around.”

  Ashley’s eyes cast down and I kissed her cheek again. “Thank you, Ashley.”

  “Mmm, hmm.”

  Part of me wanted to wrap her up in my arms, and Trevor and Ree and just drive, but that fix would be far too short-lived.

  “I’ll be in touch. See you soon.” And I jogged up the porch steps.

  Ashley stood with arms crossed shooting daggers at Jess with her eyes.

  “Hey, Trev. Ree and Ashley are headed out. Why don’t you ride with them?”

  He and Jess exchanged a few more words before she reached over and gave him another hug. Trevor kept his body at a distance, like he still wasn’t sure what to do with the situation. But he closed his eyes as her arms went around him, which I took as a sign that he was okay with her being here. But how was I?

  Too much to think about.

  I walked off the porch with Trevor.

  “What’s going on, Dad?” he whispered.

  “Just… I’ll make sure you have her information if you want to be in touch, okay?”

  “But what if she… What if she doesn’t come back?” Trevor asked, his voice breaking as he glanced over his shoulder at where Jess stood bewildered on the porch.

  “Then we’ll deal with it like we did last time. I can’t force anything, but I’m asking you to trust me and go with Ashley, okay?” Trust me. Like I had any right to ask that of him either.

  “Okay.” He nodded and jogged to the car without another word.

  I tried to catch Ashley’s eyes, but her face looked confused and pained, and it broke me to think about how awful and rotten this whole thing was. I knew her well enough to know that I’d at least gain points for making sure the kids were safe with her. I wasn’t sure how to explain why I knew this was the right move, because I wasn’t yet sure what my next move would be.